Easy. You ask your chauffeur (or helicopter pilot if Dannii's managed to hang onto to her X Factor transportation) if he would very kindly swing by the nearest fancy-pants wedding in either a castle, historical house or stately home.
Then you make a mad dash through the grand entrance hall where all the suits of armour are displayed and stealthily swipe a small knight's low-cut breast plate. After which you should cut through whichever room the reception is being held in, be it banqueting hall or ball room, and make off with one of the valanced table clothes as you go.
Quickly back in to your chauffer-driven merc/X Factor chopper and there you have all the essential ingredients for a memorable red carpet look.
Now you simply have to assemble your craftily-gotten gains. On with the breast-plate - which is surely the most durable boob-scaffolding of all time - what's a paltry bit of underwiring when you've got solid steel? You can also buff this up (breast-plate, not cleavage) with the table cloth for a dazzling shine.
Next you simply wrap the table cloth around your waist - it's quite likely that there'll be a surfeit of material so simply tie in a big knot at the front, creating a bustle-like effect. Ok, so strictly the bustle should be at the back but when you're striking out for originality you've got to take a risk or two.
Then it's time to do battle with the red carpet with your head held high and your hands defiantly on you hips, knowing that nobody else would be able to channel a Xena The Warrior Princess meets Vegas Show Girl vibe quite like you.
