Jessica Alba

 

 

Oh, Holy Mother of disproportionate hips, Jessica Alba has a few fundamental hang-ups with the concept of a flattering cut.

 

The waist embellishment is all very nice and festive and reminds me somewhat of the garnish found on all posh crackers and panto dames - so glad, if not particularly stylish, tidings there.

 

No, what really bugs me is the fact that Jessica seems to have stuck a few steel reinforcement rods in the skirt to create bionic triangular hips. Those things are almost in danger of boasting their own orbit and I. Just. Don't. Get it. We all know you've had a baby - brilliant - but there's no call for hammering home the notion of fine, child-bearing hips in such a fashion.

 

And if anyone was ever in any doubt that it's very, very wrong to attempt shoulder pads on your hips - can I please refer you to...shudder...the shiny red side view.